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Die douche bag die.

You know who you are.  

So here it is, 4:47 pm on February 27, 2008.   I should be enjoying the fine qualities of life right now, like jelly donuts. Instead, I sit here. At my desk. Working. 

Stupid freaking clients....because you know, it's not like you don't already have 365 freaking days to make your freaking RSP contribution. Nope. You leave it until the last possible second. And then grumble because you need to sign a document on a rush to make "things happen".  Rat Bastards. 

And stupid freaking boss.....it's not like the 50 million accounts you are making us open cannot be done until AFTER RRSP seaon.  Why are you doing this to us?  Why? For the love of God...WHY?

And stupid freaking computer for being slow. 

Curse you all. 
Life sucks..and blows.  

I'm Gonna Make It... On My Own.

 Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving

Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all

These are the words from theme song of The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  This show is widely regarded as the first show that successfully showed a woman with a career...and single.  Now we have come a long way in television, with most women characters working. Very seldom do you see the "stay at home" mom on tv today.  But back in the day, this was considered ground breaking stuff. 

However, I must say that I connect most widely with this show in the "real world" then most of the other "female character" driven shows like Ally McBeal, Sex & The City and so forth.  Because in my reality, this is my world. Single, alone, and having to find myself vis a vis the work place.  And while I would like to be as optimistic as Mary is about making it  alone and the city loving me.....that just doesn't seem the be the case. 

There is no doubt that I will get by..barely.  But I have to say, unless I marry well or scratch the winning lotto, it's not going to happen on my own.  But if Mary is one thing, she is persistant. And facing odds far greater then mine- I have to believe that if she can make it, so can I!

That being the case, since I have no choice at this point in my life, I will happily hum "I'm gonna make it on my own" and toss that hat in the air.


1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you've come. 

Yes to the first one. However, the question remains if I loved him or if I love the memory of him? If I were to meet him now, would it be the same? It would be so easy to contact him on Facebook, but do I want to? Probably not.

And yes to the second one.  But I don't regret meeting him and going through that pain, because the painful process allowed me to grow up and evaluate my priorities, so in a sense, I should always be grateful.  

For both however, I always believe that it's best to move forward, because the man I am meant to be with is still out there.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. 

Well...does it count if someone not related to me owned it? But no, I do not own any major pieces of furniture purchased by me.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. 

Sadly, no.  I have some perfectly adequate clothes...I'm not a bohemian or anything. But my weight right now hinders me from purchasing that *OMG* outfit for either circumstance. Soon though....

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you're not ashamed to be seen carrying. 

I am a purse whore of epic porportions, so I have many purses I am not ashamed of carrying. I have a couple of perfectly adequate suitcases.  And why would anyone be ashamed of carrying an umbrella? 

5. A youth you're content to move beyond. 

 My youth, while fabulous and fun, mixed with a bit of dysfunction was perfectly all right. But I am digging being a grown up. I feel like every decade is better then the one before.  It's a different kind of contentment.

6. A past juicy enough that you're looking forward to retelling it in your old age. 

Why limit the juciness to the past? I am *still* a saucy bitch, and can't wait to tell my kids about how awesome I am/was.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it. 

Yes, I will be old. But unlike my friend Jo, I'm quite prepared to be a kept woman. Those are my retirement plans.  We'll see how this plan goes.

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. 

Yes....I have many.  The question is....do I ever return any of my phone calls or e-mails? Being able to reach me is one thing. My ability to respond in a timely manner is another.

9. A résume that is not even the slightest bit padded. 

Oh hell no.  Mine makes me look like a superstar. Nothing I'm reporting is not true...just slightly embellished.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. 

I have many friends who make me laugh (either with or at). And I don't cry...I rage.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. 

Urm.....not really. I have a screwdriver, but I get mom's boyfriend to put these things together.  

And I have a black bra, but when you have tit's the size of basketballs, finding a good fitting black lace bra is like finding a flower in the snow. Not impossible, but highly unlikely. 

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. 

Yes, and I enjoyed every moment. What's that saying again? "You can't help others without helping yourself first".  Truer words were never spoken.

13. The belief that you deserve it. 

Damn rights. Now if only I can get others to belive that I deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30. 

Skin care: If washing your face with water is a regimen, then sure.  Exercise is sporadic.  No plans...just winging life. 

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. 

Hmmm..wow. This survey just got depressing. I have a career I hate, no manluv, and life is boring. So sure....I have a solid start ...on becoming a crazy cat lady.


1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. 

I once knew how to fall in love and losing myself. Now that I have found myself, the falling in love is the part I struggle with most.

2. How you feel about having kids. 

Let's find a sperm doner first...one step at a time here, eh?

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. 

With great difficulty, but yes.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away. 

"If at first you don't succeed, walk away.  Why make an ass of yourself twice?" <---them's some pretty wise words.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn't like to happen next. 

I sure can. I'm quite a creative messanger.

6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother, and the best tailor in town. 

Yes, yes and if it doesn't fit, just buy new. 

7. How to live alone, even if you don't like to. 

Yes. I love living alone. Which is why I would be a great military wife. It plays well into my anti-social ways.

8. How to take control of your own birthday. 

Yep! I am not one for modesty when it comes to my birthday.

9. That you can't change the length of your calves, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. 

Nooooo! I deny that statement.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over. 

Well we put the "fun" in dysfunction, so no regrets there. Although generally content, sometimes I wish I could go back.

11. What you would and wouldn't do for money or love. 

I would do anything for love...but I won't do that.  (Thank-you Meatloaf for those wonderful words). I don't know what I would do for money. Never having it tends to lower your expectations on the matter.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. 

Sure they do. It just depends on how long they want to live. It's all about choices.

13. Who you can trust, who you can't, and why you shouldn't take it personally. 

Yes. But I still take things personally. People who say "don't take this personally" are generally the ones who will then proceed to lay out your flaws, while glossing over theirs. To hell with 'em.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn't your fault. 

This is hard, because this has become part of my job description. It seems like my entire life is taking responsibility and the blame. 

15. Why they say life begins at 30. 
Life begins at birth, and ends at death. It's the journey in the middle that's interesting. 

I want to be a Southern Wife.

As I toil in misery at this place called work (aka: Hell with flourescent lighting), doing the impossible with a freaking smile on my face....I can't help but think of the South.  It is -20 celcius today. That means that it's my  civic  responsibility as a Canadian to think of all things warm.  Now most people think of Mexico, or Hawaii, or Dominican Republic when they think of warm.  

However, the redneck hillbilly buried deep inside me thinks of the South. The US South. Home of Nascar, Grits, and Sweet Tea.  Where the war of northern agression is not over. Where the rebel yell is not just a statement of youth.
Having been to that region twice now, I can honestly say with ever fiber of my being, that that South is my version of heaven. 

Where chubby chicks like me are not discarded based purely on body weight.  Where chubby girls like me can wear tank tops and there is nothing wrong with that.  Where the food is enjoyed almost as much as the company. Where kids play outdoors, and call you by a respectful "Miss Danielle" instead of "hey you". Where the winter is warm and the summer is hot. Where it's a short drive to either coast or the mountains and won't take all day long. Where Nascar is revered and it's athletes down to earth. Where it's ok to shop at a Target...no one thinks less of you. Where food is cheap and the cost of living is low. Where they honor their traditions by keeping old homes and restoring them, instead of tearing them down. Where they honor their military instead of protesting against them in an act of ignorance fueled by biased media reports.  Where it's ok to be yourself, because let's face it, you have nothing better to do. 

Sigh. Now if only I can find myself a southern husband.

Running with Jo.

I ran...I ran so far away. Well no, not really. I ran around the 1 km...with Jo. Cuz we're fat. Correction: Because I'm fat. 
And it's stupid freaking cold damnit. 
I need manluv.

A slip of the tongue.

Poll #945523 House/Cameron's Kiss.

What length would you to get a tongue kiss from House?

I would resort to the old kiss and blood draw technique used by Cameron.
Hell, I would would just cannon-rape him to submission
I would hope he will notice my subtle advances
Nestle Vicodin in my bosom.
Any, all, every means necessary, not limited to the options above



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